Ok, I lied. So what? No more rules. I'll blog whenever I feel like it. There's always an audience, real or imaginary. And why would I want to restrain myself? The point of gaining control is to lose it.

I shot my rational side long ago.
No, it didn't kill it, only made it wilder, and more defensive. Occasionally it resorts to incomprehensible forms of self-mutilation. When feeling threatened, it hides its head in the ground. It even has the tendency to forget it's supposed to be...rational.

What if it was all a test to see if you could have me? Does it make any difference? Meaningless questions.
Why me of all people? Was I special? An easy target?
A little bit of both, I'd like to think. Aren't we all?

I chose to take the risk as I'm choosing not to regret it.
I'm also choosing to dramatise it, humiliate myself by writing about it, then get over it and not care. No sadness, no bitterness, just a tiny bit of irony. And obviously a lot of reflection. Excessive amounts. I'm not worried, the sea will wash it all away.